Sunday, January 08, 2006

Waiting

It is January 8th and we are expecting Sara. It's Neha Atya's Birthday on the 9th. It would be great if the niece is born on the same day too!
We are all set to receive her.The hospital bag is ready and her pram and car seat is ready. All her clothes are washed and stacked in place even her special dress is ready. I made her one the other day-and enjoyed doing so with all lace and flowers.
Earlier she's born longer I'll be able to be with her. I will be able to watch her initial milestones.....by the time it's time for us to leave Sara will start holding her head, turning on her side and pushing herself forward. It will be so exciting!!!! Brand new member of our family. I'm waiting to see Nikhil and Gauri in their new role as parents. I'm waiting to see Anika's reaction on seeing the baby and their interaction too. I'm waiting to see Nanaji interacting with Sara because it will be a totally new experience for him too!! After Gauri and Babbi even he has not seen a child so very young.....And what about me? I hope I'm able to do all that I've been planning to. To the baby, for the baby and new mother.
- Kumud Nani. Sara's Nani-Anika's Dadi.

Friday, October 28, 2005

The day we knew!

It was a bag of mixed feelings when we found out that we were going to have a baby. It was right around Nikhil's bday-we had spent the weekend doing nothing much. A nice dinner, a small birthday surprise and we were getting ready for the summer. My quick trip to Chicago to surpise Mummy on her birthday was a fun one too. We had celebrated her birthday together after almost 6 years.

The past year had been a whirlwind with the new house, visits from Mummy Papa Amma and Aai Puppa, Aashu Sonal Anika. Our 10 day tour of Europe with backpacks and a lot of enthusiasm. My 10 week teaching assignment in France. It had all happened in the 1 yr since we moved to Pooler. We have travelled quite a bit since we have had a life together. And have enjoyed the visits from family and friends.

We'd see babies or the joy of people expecting them and constantly question ourselves, are we ready? Do we want a baby? WIll we be good enough a parent? All those questions which I guess most couples ask themselves at one point or another. The baby would be our biggest joint project. It'll be someone we can share our love with. Someone we can take care of. We wanted to be completely ready-but then you never are.

But that weekend we found out. We were going to be parents. We were thrilled and excited and elated and speechless and confused and concerned and sort of worried and skeptical and just happy-happy that we had been successful. And this was just the beginning. Mummy was still in Chicago and we decided to tell each others parents to make it more real. So Nikhil spoke to Mummy and told her that she may need to come back soon and she knew right away. Aashu and Sonal were thrilled too. I spoke to Papa and Puppa and told them that they were going to be grandfathers. It was a different kind of happiness in their voice. I guess I will never know that until I become a grandparent. Aai was thrilled of course. And also concerned about the date because Neha's wedding date was set. Neha was asleep and woke up with quite a start. I always think of what I share with Anika and know that Neha will have that with our baby. Atyaas are always special.

We had still to go to the doctor, get a confirmation, wait a while to get over the uncertain phase. So we went about things like normal. Only it was different. I had this wonder inside of me. Suddenly I was supposed to be careful with everything. What I eat, drink (thats a tough one ; ), what I carry etc. I cldn't just spend the day on a bowl of milk and cereal and a random cookie in the afternoon. I couldnt just carry any amount of weight (I still associate my ability to carry weights with woman power). I had to make sure I watched my diet. Suddenly I was in-charge of this little one who had no idea of what it has gotten into. It was thrilling. Every now and then Nikhil and myself would look at each other and just smile. And day after day we would grow to accept the reality of becoming parents.

We have since sold our home, wrapped up our memories in boxes, kept the good times in a safety box and threw out the tensed times in the lagoon behind the house. We have moved to a new city, to new job locations, a new living arrangement.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The First Ultrasound

I had it all packed. My camcorder, my digital camera, my tape recorder and my MP3 player that records sounds. Walking to the doctors office, Gauri seemed pretty excited but I was a nervous wreck. The whole fatherhood spirit hasn’t sunk in yet. Me a dad?? I still remember building sand castles and teasing my little sister Neha. Calling her names and scaring her with horror stories! The first ultrasound!! Robin, the technician was the most pleasant person in the office. She made us feel comfortable and explained what’s going to happen in the next few minutes. Pretty soon words translated into reality and we saw the future Deshpande on the monitor screen. Appropriately as my mom called the baby "Makdu", the little monkey a tiny image appeared on the screen. A tiny head and a cocoon shaped body. There it was, reality! A small 17 mm cocoon of life with a beating heart. I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. I was looking at my kid!! Gauri couldn’t stop flashing her tight lip smile. I wasn’t sure if she was thrilled or nervous, since she wears the same smile on both occasions.

Then it came, the heart beat. It wasn’t as dramatic while watching the muted picture on the screen as watching it with a roar of thumping beats. Robin enabled the audio and we could hear the baby's heart beat. 178 beats per minute. The tiny pepper sized heart thumping on the speakers, almost sounding like a train passing by. I suddenly felt my heart beat at the same speed. This was it, its real as it can get. Gauri and I are going to be parents soon.

To view a Flash Video of the Ultrasound visit
http://www.pixelelephant.com/baby